I hope it’s not contagious

Disclaimer:
This is an actual conversation that happened in my dining room at 9:00 a.m. this morning. In telling you, I am assuming that you remember I live with 20 girls, three housekeepers, one house mom, an old repair man, and a part-time chihuahua named Stella. You’ve been warned.

The Cast:
B – House mom who spends inordinate amounts of time smoking and trying to convince us to redecorate by making all the furniture purple, paisley or a combination thereof.

John – Old repair man with lisp. Drinks Mountain Dew like it’s his job, which maybe it is, because that bathroom we’re paying him for is still not done.

Me – I like shiny things and I write this blog. Also, I eat bagels for breakfast. This will be important for later.

Ashley – Sorority sister who lives down the hall. Enjoys sports, sleeping, and making me squirm.

The Scene:
John – “Well, I think we need 100-watt lightbulbs. Those last the longest.”
B – “Well the ones we have in there now don’t last very long at all. Those advertisers decieved me!”
Me – Silently and innocently eating a bagel and cream cheese.
Enter Ashley, wearing sunglasses.
Me – “Hey Ash, why are you wearing your sunglasses in the house?”
Ashley – “Well, my eyes are infected, and so I’m really light-sensitive right now.”
B – “Is it conjunctivitis? Because my son-in-law had that, and his eyes were pink and gooey and-“
Me – Staring at and no longer eating a bagel and cream cheese.
Ashley – “Well I don’t think they’re very conjuctivy yet…”
Me – “People I am EATING!”
B – “Well it was just the most awful thing I ever saw in my life, that’s all I’m saying.”
John – “So did you still want 100-watt?”

I hope she doesn’t pass it along to the dog. She already had mites, I don’t think she can handle any more.

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Filed under Friends, Quotes, School

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