I am a strange dichotomy. Or, to quote someone pretentious and with a beard: “I am vast, I contain multitudes.” (Walt Whitman, if you didn’t know.) That is to say, I think I am two people.
I know what you’re thinking, and I promise I’m not going all crazy-Sibyll-I-need-meds-now! girl. Or girls… It’s just that I am one way when at school, and another way entirely when at home. Is this normal? Let’s discuss!

For example, the cleaning situation. When at school, I have the cleanest room in the house. No really, it’s always a show room and everyone tells me how clean it is. Let’s ignore, for a moment, how third grade proud I am of this fact, and focus on the fact that at home, which is where I am right now, my room is an absolute mess.

I have a pile of clothes, clean yet unfolded, that are precariously close to the floor. A Rubbermaid container full of stuff, still not unpacked. A stack of books that is knee-high, sitting next to my bed (I always read multiple books at once) and within easy reach. And, the worse sin of all, an unmade bed. And I’m not even kidding. If you lived in the sorority house with me, you will be aghast right now. I know, it’s not like I’m living in dirt, but the clutter doesn’t seem to bother me, while at school, this would be enough to send me into a Fabreze frenzy.

Speaking of which, have you ever been in a Fabreze frenzy? Either whipped into or otherwise, this kind of frenzy is all kinds of fun! LP and I were just discussing how much we like to clean, and I have to say, I enjoy Fabrezing above all other things. It just makes you feel cleaner and better smelling, not to mention allergen reduced, if that’s the kind of thing you go for. As we can tell, it’s the kind of thing I go for, wheezy and allergic to everything as I am. Even if the Fabreze does nothing of the sort, I feel less allergic and I sleep better.

Fabrezing, however, is only seconds ahead of one other product in the We Like To Clean 5K because of it’s powers in the allergy department. If Swiffer should ever also reduce allergies, Fabreze will have to bow out gracefully, because I do love all things Swiffer. The wet jet, the dry mop, the handheld Swiffer duster – the possibilities are endless! My only regret is that my flat next year has carpet in the bathrooms, thus limiting my potential Swifferable surfaces.

So, in conclusion, I’m not really sure why I am not compulsively cleaning right now. A psychologist would probably say that, because it is summer vacay, I am so relaxed I don’t feel the need the have control over everything in my life, thus, my OCD tendencies have also gone on vacay, perhaps to Tahiti. I might just say that working several hours each day as a corporate retail whore makes me too tired to do anything, let alone clean with my usual compulsive gusto.

However, the most important question to be asked after all of this is still begging to be answered: Do you think Walt Whitman Swiffered?



Filed under My World

2 responses to “NeatFreak

  1. Jess C.

    I can not believe that YOU are messy at home. This I have got to see for myself. Recently though, I have cleaned my apartment… mostly for fear that my great new boyfriend will not want to be my great new boyfriend if he finds out how messy I REALLY am… even though he says it’s ok that I’m messy… Anyway. I also enjoy all things Febreeze and Swiffer. It’s just good sense!

  2. ian

    Walt Whitman did not Swiffer, but he DID use a lot of Oxy-Clean, albeit much more quietly than the obnoxious bearded guy yelling at us on late-night television about it.


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