Hair today, embarassed five minutes from now

I went to the bank to deposit my paycheck yesterday. The bank is a respectable place: people wear suits, make disapproving glances, and handle money. The bank is a place where you should be somber and professional. The bank is not a place to make an idiot out of yourself.

However, if you are me and you are well acquainted with idiocy, especially in inappropriate places, you will sympathize with me and what occurred in the 1st National Bank yesterday.

I got off work at 5:30, so I was cutting it a little close when I waltzed in at 5:45. I knew the bank closed at 6:00, but I also knew I could be a speedy depositer, so I went in anyway. I propped my sunglasses up over my ponytail and was quick like bunny filling out the paperwork.

I went up to the desk and the lady gave me a strange look, which I assumed was because it was so close to the end of their day, so I apologized profusely about being late. Then, several other women stood around while she deposited my money, which I thought was weird, but maybe bank people are really cliquey or they work in small herds, I don’t know, I’m bad at math, which is why I’m a writer.

Several minutes later, I finally left, feeling more self-concious than anyone should feel walking out of a bank. It’s not like I was turned down for a loan or told my house was being reposessed – how dare those mean, suited bank ladies make me feel like this!

Only when I got to the car did I realize what they were staring at: it was a stage five twanger. And it was bad.

If you are not well-versed in hair lingo (as I so clearly am) let me tell you, a twanger is about the worst thing you can have (aside from a mullet). Imagine Alfalfa from “Little Rascals” and you kind of get the idea. However, a twanger doesn’t have to stick straight up, no. A twanger is pretty much a rogue lock of hair that does whatever it chooses, in whichever direction it chooses, which is not only embarassing, it is also quite dangerous. And on this particular day, when I had so nonchalantly propped those sunglasses up on my head, the bangs that are growing out had been pushed up and to the side in such a way that a lock of my hair was sticking out above my ear, perpendicular to my head.

I had a 90 degree angle hair twanger.

I am never going to the bank again.

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4 Comments

Filed under My World, Work

4 responses to “Hair today, embarassed five minutes from now

  1. ian

    *smirk* With a head full of long curlies, I’m quite familiar with the syndrome you’ve described, made much worse when you wear a baseball hat at work all day long.

    I

  2. With Love, Fat Girl

    Yowzer. Look to the bright side, my hair’s so curly that if I put sunglasses on top of my head, my hair just curls around it and they’re stuck on my head forever.

    Oh and, this line that you wrote: “I don’t know, I’m bad at math, which is why I’m a writer.”

    Maybe in a parallel universe, you and I are both accountants.

  3. lovely_amazing

    It seems that everyone here has a curl problem, of which I am envious. Maybe it’s only when your hair is straight that you get a 90 degree angle hair twanger. Unfortunately.

  4. With Love, Fat Girl

    Curls are not to be envied in humidity. I’ll be you never looked like you stuck your finger in a socket. Daily.

    When I was 15 and getting my yearbook picture taken, *one* fucking curl lopped down onto my forehead right when the flash went off. People still make fun of that pic to this day.

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