Karmic ass-kicking

I have never been dumped. Also, I have never dumped anyone. For a 21 year old, this is strange, no?

Then why, you might ask, are you not in a major relationship? The above information leads us to believe that either A. you’ve never dated anyone (not true) or B. you must have only dated one person and you are still together (also, not true) but now we find out that C. that’s not true ? The math doesn’t add up!

Don’t feel bad, I’m bad at math too! However, I am very good at ending relationships without actually ever officially dumping anyone. Listen carefully and you, too, can learn my very effective technique for only $9.95 plus shipping and handling.

It’s called The Phase Out. Here I will provide you with a scenario to illustrate the necessity of TPO:

Once upon a time, a girl agreed to go on a date with a guy. Said guy was kind of cute, nice, and it seemed like they had a lot in common.  Said girl didn’t want to turn down a potentially promising date, so off they went. After a few dates, said guy was becoming less cute and more annoying, and the whole thing was going nowhere. So, said girl decided to call the whole thing off. Unfortunately, it is not that easy, because in a circumstance like this, said girl is usually quite a catch (if I do say so myself) and said guy is usually ___ (fill in the blank here) and that just doesn’t do it for said girl. Sadly, said guy doesn’t know this, and he continues to try to woo said girl, only making things more awkward and less promising every time he calls.

Enter TPO!

Said girl slowly starts screening her calls, only answering every other time said guy phones. Said girl also becomes very busy, yet apologetic, that she can’t spend so much time with said guy. Soon, she no longer answers his calls at all, and only calls him back when she knows he won’t answer. After a few days (or weeks, depending upon said guy’s level of persistence or stupidity) said guy has gotten the hint, and said girl has an unbroken streak of un-breakups to her name and she can quit worrying about said guy and move on.

Enter the part when I’m regretting ever employing this!

I think I’m getting phased out.

I may be overreacting, but I generally have a good sense for these things, and I’m pretty sure I’m right. Unfortunately. Because I really like this one. He’s kind of cute, nice, and we have a lot in common. But he hasn’t called me lately, I’ve been leaving a fair amount of messages, and he called me back today when he knew I was in class…I guess I knew that one day, karma would repay me for my dating deceptions. I just didn’t expect it to happen now. It’s so unfair!

For someone that’s done her fair share of POs, I’m still a little POed.


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Filed under Gentlemen Friends, Woe To Me

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