Monthly Archives: May 2008

Pondering: North America’s enthnocentric outfit

So, if Canada is America’s Hat* (which we all know is true) then what is Mexico?

America’s Shoes, in keeping with the accessories theme?

Or  America’s Pants?

Although it’s pretty warm down there.  Maybe we don’t actually need pants.

Discuss amongst yourselves.


*As an aside, whenever someone says this, I always picture a colorful map of North America that hung on the wall of my second grade classroom.  But instead of Canada hulking at the top being all chilly and “oui oui, monsieur”, I picture a Canada-shaped plaid hat.  The kinds with lambswool lining and the pull down ear flaps that old fishermen from Minnesota wear.  Because let’s face it: if you’re going to be America’s Hat, you have to be prepared for all kinds of weather.  And I think a plaid ear flap hat just screams “I AM PREPARED FOR ALL KINDS OF WEATHER!” 

Unlike, say, a skull cap, which screams “I THINK I’M COOLER THAN I ACTUALLY AM!”  Or a bike helmet, which screams “MY MOM TOTALLY MADE ME WEAR THIS!”





Filed under Digressions

Don’t stand so close to me

I have a new addiction.  I don’t think anyone here is surprised.  I seem to have a highly addictive personality.  It’s actually shocking that I haven’t taken up cocaine yet.

No, my addictions seem to revolve around other orifices.  Namely, mouth and ears. And I don’t think you can ingest cocaine via the mouth or ears.  (Am I right, crack addicts?  That’s a snorter, right?  Set me straight!) 

I get addicted to certain music, to the point that I listen to the same song or album on repeat, unterruptedly, for months at a time.

And then, of course, are the food addictions.  Cheese and pita chips, being the most recent victims to fall in and out of my favor. 

But behold – a new thing to which I have become addicted: Parmesan Basil Wheat Thins.  Sweet nectar of the gods.  These are awesome.

Of course, now that I have plowed my way through half a box, I’m sure my breath would smell like a rose garden to anyone who stands close to me

However, since nobody has been up in my grille for quite awhile now (too long, in fact) I am going to continue to munch like it’s my job.

If only I could shove them in my ears.  This would be a great day.


Filed under Digressions