Breaking News: a tragic incident has occurred at my place of business: A woman was Voguely injured today and is still in critical condition.
The woman, who will remain nameless because this reporter doesn’t know her name, was spotted by the Starbucks machine at precisely 8: 16 a.m. wearing black denim overalls, white reebok sneakers, and a french braid.
Witnesses say there was nothing they could do to help, and several passers-by noted that her injury didn’t seem to be serious. They later recanted, however, noting a hint of pale blue shimmer above the victim’s left eyebrow, saying “If only we’d gotten there in time. Maybe we could’ve done something for her!”
It is unknown at this point if her injury was sustained at the hands of another, or if this is simply a case of sartorial suicide. Investigators are looking into this matter. Prime suspects include the victim’s best friend who may have spiteful motives, her well-intentioned yet possibly negligent husband, and any small children who may not have been able to prevent such a heinous act from taking place before their very eyes.
Eye News 47 will keep you posted as this story continues to unfold, and we continue to discover more details about this tragic series of events.
I was driving home from work the other day when I passed a Boston Chicken. Boston Market. Boston Moderately-Speedy Food Chain Place.
I wasn’t really paying attention to what the store was called, on account of the sign they had in the window.
It said $1.99 WHOLE CHICKEN.
I don’t even know what to say about that.
You guys? Anybody? What do we do with this?
Filed under My World, Quotes
I have a white paper lantern in my room.
I know, I know. But it’s too cold to picnic right now, and also, I’m not attending a garden party or a Japanese wedding anytime soon. So in my room it stays.
There is also a fly in my room. A fly who is either too stupid or too malicious to LEAVE my room, despite the fact that I keep leaving my door and window open in the hopes that a good stiff breeze will blow him out. I’m banking on the fact that this is a malicious fly, on account of how I make fun of his friends a lot.
Apparently flies are also like moths in that they are not only the subject of my eternal hatred, but they are also both attracted to light. And my fly friend keeps getting stuck in the lantern (so I retract my former statement to say that this fly is both malicious AND stupid) and making the most horrific sound.
What is the most horrific sound, you ask?
Imagine one lone, solitary skittle.
Made of steel.
Stuck in a blender.
On the “puree” setting.
It’s going to be a long night.
Barack Obama is our president elect.
That’s the best news I’ve heard all day. All week. All THE LAST EIGHT YEARS, ACTUALLY.
In other news, some people’s Republican boyfriends are not too pleased with this turn of events.
Some people’s Republican boyfriends are curmudgeons.
Some lovely, gracious, leftward leaning lady offered to cook dinner for said curmudgeons.
Some certain, particular curmudgeons said they preferred moose.
As my college friend Desmond would always say (albeit, in a nasal Southern accent) some people’s chilren!
I think that’s Southern for “Quit being such a whiner!”
Don’t you think so?