Breaking News: a tragic incident has occurred at my place of business: A woman was Voguely injured today and is still in critical condition.
The woman, who will remain nameless because this reporter doesn’t know her name, was spotted by the Starbucks machine at precisely 8: 16 a.m. wearing black denim overalls, white reebok sneakers, and a french braid.
Witnesses say there was nothing they could do to help, and several passers-by noted that her injury didn’t seem to be serious. They later recanted, however, noting a hint of pale blue shimmer above the victim’s left eyebrow, saying “If only we’d gotten there in time. Maybe we could’ve done something for her!”
It is unknown at this point if her injury was sustained at the hands of another, or if this is simply a case of sartorial suicide. Investigators are looking into this matter. Prime suspects include the victim’s best friend who may have spiteful motives, her well-intentioned yet possibly negligent husband, and any small children who may not have been able to prevent such a heinous act from taking place before their very eyes.
Eye News 47 will keep you posted as this story continues to unfold, and we continue to discover more details about this tragic series of events.