I had a dream last night. Or rather, this morning.
You know that weird 20-ish minutes before the alarm goes off, where you’re in the deepest level of REM sleep? You know how sometimes, on this blog, I make shit up and it sounds like I know what I’m talking about? You know that time?
I was awake at 6:00 a.m., and then I looked at my alarm and was all “No way am I getting up 25 minutes before my alarm goes off. Even if I am wide awake, I’m stayin’ in here!”
So I closed my eyes again, and before I knew it, I was dead asleep and having the strangest dream ever. In the words of my sister Gosia, “Okay you guys, and here is what I dreamed:”
I dreamt that an apartment complex near my house was, instead, a large field with many seats around it. Not unlike a stadium for baseball, football, or Quidditch. You know, important sports that people like to watch. But part of it was open, and people were just walking on and off the field – it wasn’t blocked off.
I was walking around the field with some high school friends – Chach, and someone we won’t name because she’s a heinous bitch. Actually yes, we will name her: heinous bitch. Heinous bitch shall be her name henceforth, forever and ever, amen.
We all turned toward the field to see that there was some sort of battle going on, between a man and a T-REX! The T-REX was bleeding and stumbling about, and it seemed like the man had won. THEN, the T-REX FELL OVER on top of the heinous bitch’s car! And then we were all “Oh man, I HATE it when a T-REX falls on my car! Stupid T-REX.”
But then, the T-REX looked at us, like he had heard us talking so much smack about him. He reared up, looked us in the eyes, and spoke. He said “THIS IS FOR ALL OF THE DINOSAURS! RAAAAAAAWR!!!!!!!” and he came crashing toward us.
Chach booked it somewhere, I don’t know where, so then it was just the heinous bitch and me, trying to outrun the dinosaur. She kept saying “WAIT FOR ME” but Dream Me was all “Uh, no thanks. On account of I don’t have to outrun this T-REX, I just have to outrun you, heinous bitch!”
I pulled into the lead, and ran into the garage of one of my neighbors. As I did, I heard the heinous bitch get eaten up by the dinosaur.
And then I woke up.
In case you were wondering, yes I did tell my mom this story. While I was in my bathrobe. And yes I did act out the part about when the T-REX reared up and decided to seek vengeance on behalf of his fellow dinos. And yes, Internet, she did have to hold onto a dresser because she was laughing so hard.
I get no support.