Letters From The Bay, Week 26: The Great Cosmic Shove

It’s a chilly Bay Saturday, and I’m cleaning.

Cleaning, as you know, is the precursor to packing.

Packing, of course, being the precursor to moving.

And moving is generally a first step in the direction of changing your own life, in both small and large ways.

In an effort to become in the smaller way, AKB and I hit the gym this morning, and took a nice long walk afterward.  After a shower, I slid into my favorite pair of jeans.  The pair that has holes in awkward places and small frays at the ends.  The pair that always makes me feel skinny, no matter what, and the pair of jeans I cannot wait to throw on as soon as the weekend hits.

Only there is a problem.  Because I actually attempted to slide on my favorite pair of jeans, and it didn’t work.  Because after 26 weeks, or about six months of living in San Francisco, walking everywhere – including the massive hills – my thighs are too big.


Too big.

For my favorite pants.

If that’s not an uncomfortable thing to admit to the Internet, I don’t know what is.

I could whine about it a little bit, but why?  As LP always says, you can whine to make yourself feel better for awhile, but nobody really wants to hear it, so get over yourself.

So instead of mourning the loss of said pants, I have gotten over it.  New pants, new attitude.

I’ve found that motto has served me well for the past few tumultuous weeks.  Roommates moving out?  New house!

Job still horrendous and panic-inducing?  New job!

New pants, new house, new job, new attitude.  The new decade is starting out with a bang.  Or a bitch slap to the face.  It all depends on how you look at it.

Part of me feels like I’m being shoved out of my life in all directions.  After all, I was basically forcibly pushed out of my apartment as it currently exists. I have an incredible job offer dangling in front of me, and a job that is awful enough that taking a massive pay cut in order to do said job seems like the best idea I’ve ever had.  The cosmic forces are at work in the world, and I feel like I’m stuck in the middle.

But not really.

Because it’s all about attitude.  If you choose bang over bitch slap, and choose to look at everything new as being a good thing, you have nothing to lose.

Or rather, I have nothing to lose.

So that’s how I’m looking at it.  2010 is starting with a bang, and I am breaking free.

From more than just my old jeans.

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