Today I’ve been thinking a lot about carrots. Specifically, I’ve been thinking about this lovely blog post, about the produce guy at the farmer’s market (who, I should add, makes fun of me for how excited I get about carrots), about the sunshiney way carrot orange makes me feel, and about little babies who eat too many carrots and have little orange noses because of it.
One day I will have a little baby with an orange nose, because no offspring of mine is going to get through life without a deeply felt and rhapsodic love for vegetables, I feel certain.
Because carrots are occupying my thoughts so intensely, I have decided that tonight is going to be all about carrot cooking and consumption, and darn it, I’m excited!
Take that, produce guy!
I hope you had a really wonderful end of the year. This autumn was so lovely – I felt a sense of fullness that I’d never quite experienced before.
Isn’t it nice to still be surprised by how we feel? Just when you think you’ve experienced 98% of emotions a human is capable of, your own internal odometer of feeling stretches a little bit more. A little bit sadder, a little bit happier, both valuable.
It may have been that I finally felt (and still feel) settled in San Francisco – this is home now. Or the fact that I both adore my job and I know what I’m doing now (usually). Maybe it was Europe and spending time with LP, who continues to be a grounding influence in my life, even when she’s far away. Or maybe it’s the fact that someone else has come into my life – someone we aren’t going to talk about now – but who has been on the periphery for years, on the horizon for months, and who has finally come into my life to take off his jacket, sit by the fire and stay. And for many, many reasons, I’m glad.
The interesting thing about all of the lovely moments of fullness, however, is that the time between can be chaotic. There are days at work that frustrate, long flights to London with drunken Icelanders, small earthquakes, roommate nonsense, and the fact that my someone lives 1,268 miles away. (He checked.)
I don’t do well with chaos. I wish I did. I would love to say that I thrive on it. But the truth is that moments of panic, tears (not even usually mine!), and running five flights of stairs in high heels are just as stressful to me as they sound to you.
So one of my goals for the New Year (“goals” sound so much nicer and friendlier than “resolutions” don’t you think? A goal is just something you reach for…) is to embrace the chaos. Learn to let some little things go. Theater will still happen if I don’t check everything off my list at work. Dinner parties will still be enjoyed if I don’t starch the napkins. This blog will still be a semblance of me and my life if I re-design it, or start adding pictures on a regular basis (gasp). Life will go on, even if there are shoes on the floor, my hair is wild and curly, and I have not ROY G. BIV’ed my bras.
No, really. I do that. It’s sick.
Other goals for the year:
Continue to write + make it a priority. Always a goal, but I have so many ambitions that I sometimes get intimidated and don’t even start. I’m choosing some external projects with actual deadlines to help me along.
Listen better. I realized recently that I start a lot of sentences with “I” and that needs to change.
Focus. I can’t even finish this post without switching my music, checking the New York Times online and my watch. I used to be able to sit for hours at a time under a tree devouring books. Somewhere I have gone awry, and I refuse to blame technology for the fact that I am just an over-user of technology.
Run a half marathon with my brother.
Organize my room.
Continue with flossing.
Take a trip with friends…Costa Rica is in the works!
Surprise someone (or “someone” perhaps?!) on their birthday.
More spontaneous play/picnics/bike rides/trips to the park.
Wear more dresses. Dresses are good for a girly girl soul like mine, I’m just sure of it.
What are your goals for this year? I’d love to hear!