Category Archives: Quotes

Good point

“What is the point of being alive if you don’t at least try to do something remarkable?”

– John Green

(italicizing mine!)

Found via Middle Child Complex and reposted here because – good point!

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Filed under Quotes, Thinking

Karma: both a bitch and a dinosaur. Discuss.

I had a dream last night.  Or rather, this morning. 

You know that weird 20-ish minutes before the alarm goes off, where you’re in the deepest level of REM sleep?  You know how sometimes, on this blog, I make shit up and it sounds like I know what I’m talking about?  You know that time?

I was awake at 6:00 a.m., and then I looked at my alarm and was all “No way am I getting up 25 minutes before my alarm goes off.  Even if I am wide awake, I’m stayin’ in here!” 

So I closed my eyes again, and before I knew it, I was dead asleep and having the strangest dream ever.  In the words of my sister Gosia, “Okay you guys, and here is what I dreamed:”

I dreamt that an apartment complex near my house was, instead, a large field with many seats around it.  Not unlike a stadium for baseball, football, or Quidditch.  You know, important sports that people like to watch.  But part of it was open, and people were just walking on and off the field – it wasn’t blocked off.

I was walking around the field with some high school friends – Chach, and someone we won’t name because she’s a heinous bitch.  Actually yes, we will name her: heinous bitch.  Heinous bitch shall be her name henceforth, forever and ever, amen.

We all turned toward the field to see that there was some sort of battle going on, between a man and a T-REX!  The T-REX was bleeding and stumbling about, and it seemed like the man had won.  THEN, the T-REX FELL OVER on top of the heinous bitch’s car!  And then we were all “Oh man, I HATE it when a T-REX falls on my car! Stupid T-REX.”

But then, the T-REX looked at us, like he had heard us talking so much smack about him.  He reared up, looked us in the eyes, and spoke.  He said “THIS IS FOR ALL OF THE DINOSAURS! RAAAAAAAWR!!!!!!!” and he came crashing toward us.

Chach booked it somewhere, I don’t know where, so then it was just the heinous bitch and me, trying to outrun the dinosaur.  She kept saying “WAIT FOR ME” but Dream Me was all “Uh, no thanks.  On account of I don’t have to outrun this T-REX, I just have to outrun you, heinous bitch!”

I pulled into the lead, and ran into the garage of one of my neighbors.  As I did, I heard the heinous bitch get eaten up by the dinosaur. 

And then I woke up.

 

In case you were wondering, yes I did tell my mom this story.  While I was in my bathrobe.  And yes I did act out the part about when the T-REX reared up and decided to seek vengeance on behalf of his fellow dinos.  And yes, Internet, she did have to hold onto a dresser because she was laughing so hard. 

I get no support.

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Filed under Family, Quotes

How to annoy me:

Pronounce the word idea as idear.

“Well, I had the idear of putting the phone number directly on the form, so…”

Unless you are British, this is not funny or cute.  It’s annoying.  And without the fetching British accent, it also makes you sound like you came from a trailer park.

Unless you did come from a trailer park, in which case I’m sorry.

For you.

And for me, because now I have to listen to you talk.

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Filed under Quotes, Work

Every dream that you wish will come true

“I dreamt about food processors last night.  And also, Abe Lincoln.”

“What do you think that means?”

“That Abe has a hankering for pesto and would like me to have all appropriate tools necessary to whip some up for him?”

“Yeah, it probably does mean that.”

“Or the ghost of Abe Lincoln is taking over Santa’s job and will be bringing me a food processor come Christmas?”

“That’s totally plausible too!”

“Or it’s that I’ve been watching way too much West Wing lately and I almost bought a food processor on Sunday, remember?” 

“Yeah, but, how realistic is that?”

“You’re right, Mom.  You are right.”

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Filed under Family, Quotes

Random Sample

Inspired by this, I decided to take a look at my own notebook.

Like most writers/artists/people with lots of ideas, I have a notebook.  Not a sketchbook, for that is far too limiting.  Not a writer’s notebook, specifically, as that implies that no sketching is allowed.  It’s not a journal (too many rules), it doesn’t have a designated theme or purpose.  There is only one rule: I can use it for whatever I want.

And so, for those of you who don’t have a notebook and think you might be missing out, I give you a random sampling of what is in my notebook.  And then I leave you to judge whether or not you actually need one of these, or if it’s just for crazy people.

– “Laughter is the shortest distance between two people” – Victor Borge.  Makes me think of Matt.

– An pencil drawing of a box of marshmallow peeps.

– This American Life story ideas (this page is blank)

– Bershert = the yiddish word for destiny.  Good to know.

– My friend Ashley’s address in The Gambia

– A page entitled “Mustache Ideas”

– A post-it note that says “Science Team”

– “There is so much beauty in an adventuresome spirit.” – The Mister

– “He was the man who cried Match.  How was I supposed to know he wasn’t faking it?”

– A page entitled Good First Sentences.   This page is also blank.

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Filed under My World, Quotes, Smartypants

Not just part, but WHOLE

I was driving home from work the other day when I passed a Boston Chicken.  Boston Market.  Boston Moderately-Speedy Food Chain Place.

I wasn’t really paying attention to what the store was called, on account of the sign they had in the window.

It said $1.99 WHOLE CHICKEN.

 

I don’t even know what to say about that.

 

You guys?  Anybody?  What do we do with this?

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Filed under My World, Quotes

I can see clearly now

“How’s the whole contacts thing goin’ for you Hil?”

“Uh, well, I tried again and I cried again.  So, like any reasonable adult, I’ve decided to just quit trying. Until I’m a candidate for Lasik, I’m just going to get cute glasses and call it a day.

After all, every time I try my face gets so red and swollen that I looked like I’ve been punched in the face.”

“You could get some Sarah Palin glasses!  Those are cute!”

“No, because then I’d actually want someone to punch me in the face.”

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